Letter to my 15 Year Old Self

Hey. How are you feeling? Things are pretty good for your right now. If I remember correctly, the only issue you've really had to face at this point is boy troubles, am I right? Trust me, he may seem like the best person for you but you'll 100% realise over time that he is only ever going to be just a great friend. Yes, you get along tremendously, but don't get confused and twist your feelings, because he'll do the same and it'll confuse you both, and trust me it'll take quite a while to get back to where you were before.

Enough about boys, now on to friendships. You've experienced a few fall outs but, not to alarm you, there is a lot more to come. You'll have mixed feelings about what is happening but, I hate to say it, you'll not be in a good place throughout it. And to make things worse, it'll also happen again once you get to university. Although you'll have a lot of issues with people and it'll make you question yourself and your own character, just keep an eye out for those that have always got your back. The person that will be there for you the most you are friends with now, but you haven't noticed her whole worth yet. She will be by your side throughout everything and you will be on hers too, and there's so many people that you will find during university that you will love so much and will have your back completely, but again, watch out for those that don't.

As I've mentioned, you've probably realised now that you did get in to university. Finally. You'll find it stressful, you'll have arguments with your mum about it, but just remember it's all due to love. You'll completely ace your GCSE's and get grades that you truly deserved, however don't let that mean you don't focus as much in your A-Levels. One thing I'll advise you on is DO NOT SPEND YOUR WHOLE TIME REVISING HISTORY. In the end, you still got a terrible grade, and that was with the effort, and it meant that you got smaller grades in your other studies because of it. As you don't get the grades you need for university, it means that you'll have to re-sit a few subjects from first year while you are in your final year, and I'll tell you now it's extremely stressful doing so. But, you'll get there, and yes, you won't get your first choice university, but you'll soon realise that Brighton is a better match for you. And being able to go to university will be the biggest blessing you'll ever have. During first year, you might have doubts, but that's only because petty arguments and stupid emotions will get to you, but it'll bring you closer in the long run. Just don't stress out when it comes to grades; not that you will, but it's always best for the reminder.
With jobs, also, your first job will be terrible and put you off working in hospitality ever again, but you'll love retail and find yourself wanting a job there every time you are looking (and you do find some great ones). Also, please please enjoy your first year of uni, you'll have 0 responsibilities and it feels great not having to work!

Now to get a bit dark, your mental health goes down completely. You might laugh now and say you're "awkward" and "act like the mum of the group" because you don't want to do anything irresponsible, but you soon realise that is the starting point of your anxiety, doing something you shouldn't be doing, and it only gets worse from here. Starting work for the first time will see your very first panic attack. Falling out with your friends and dealing with loneliness will see a whole lot more. Money issues, housing and bills, manipulative people; everything will start adding on top of you and it'll get you down. A lot. You'll develop severe anxiety, and I don't want that to scare you, but it'll be difficult to deal with. You'll find counsellors helpful but expensive so it won't last long, and you'll have to deal with a lot of things by yourself, and it'll be difficult but you'll push through.
You'll have so many thoughts about yourself, you'll actually reach a point where you hate who you are and you beg to be someone else, but you'll get past it and you'll realise you are who you are. You'll think you're not good enough, and it'll stem from friendships and guy that aren't even worth a second thought, and it'll be difficult to shake some thoughts out of your head but you'll be happy. You'll find things that make you happy. And yes, you're not happy all the time but you'll get through it all.

Hopefully this letter hasn't been scary for you, and you'll realise that, after it all, you'll definitely be a stronger person at the end of it. Yes, you'll still be dealing with things for a long time to come, but you do become strong and you learn to deal with more and more things as you get older.
Just enjoy life, enjoy your time at school, and enjoy year 11 because that will be your most favourite year out of all of school. Don't stress about GCSE's, don't stress about any boy that isn't worth your time, and just remember to stick to who you are!

Kira xo