Kira's Diary - Friend or Foe?

This post may sound a bit more "story time" than usual, but I feel as though, as these are technically "diary entries", this is the most appropriate series to post personal experiences on and utilise them for the purpose that I created them for; to speak about events and social attributes that the majority of people, especially as a teen, go through!

So from the title of this post you may already have an idea that I am going to be talking about friendships and relationships that you have throughout your life, however, as many of us may experience, sometimes we do get confused between true friendship and those disguised that are often pretty toxic.
I'm going to start off by talking about one of my best friends growing up. I won't mention her name but we were friends for about 13 years, meeting in reception (or 'pre-school' for those that are not familiar with this term). We were inseparable most of my life; I did have other really close friends, especially one who I am still friends with now, however she ended up attending another school after year 8, so we didn't really see each other as often as the friend that I am going to talk about.
We liked the same things, had the same interests, and overall just seemed to enjoy everything that we could together; like with most best friends.
Obviously being so young and being friends for so long, when we became a lot older I was a little blinded when things started changing and our friendship became toxic, like I mentioned above.

So when we were in middle school, we rarely used to fall out, have any arguments, so we always used to say that we were so similar that we just always agreed. Obviously as we got older, our opinions started to change and we bickered a lot, but everyone used to describe us as an "old married couple" as we'd bicker and then just get over it a couple of seconds later, which we just labelled as us the result of being friends for so long. Although we were inseparable, we did have other friends, but the relationships we had with them were completely different to our own, so we knew that our friendship was completely real as it always had been.

Now, fast-forwarding to the last couple of months of our friendship, I became extremely close with another girl (who is actually my closest friend now who I travelled to university with). I understood that i started to spend less time with my friend, and more with Chloe (the newer friend who is now my closest friend, just to avoid confusion), which meant that I wasn't spending 24/7 with my friend, which always used to be the case. Before anyone says, I NEVER used to do anything with Chloe without inviting my friend, as that's not the type of person I am; to this day I always invite Chloe because I feel bad incase she feels isolated and left out, so I always used to do this with my friend before for the same reasons; however my friend started to become close to these girls in my year that weren't particularly fond of me, which I said was fine as, who am I to tell her who she can and cannot be friends with, although it did sting a bit that she chose people that openly said they did not like me, something that I would never dream of doing to her.

She tried to introduce me to their group of friends, get me and Chloe involved in the group so that we could all be together, but every time we sat with them all that would happen is the girls would make jabs at Chloe and I about ridiculous things; bitchy comments like, "why are you so tanned; it looks stupid" (i had just been on holiday for 2 weeks), and "where did you get your dress from? Not sure I'd choose it", which at the time were extremely hurtful (since growing up, now all I see is pettiness and if this happened today I would not have kept as quiet as I did back then).
I tried to let everything go and to make my friend feel better, even lied to her and said that I thought we were all getting on really well, however whenever they said anything, I noticed that no one would stick up for us, not even my best friend. It started to go downhill from then; she started lying to me, telling me she's got nothing planned and then I'll see on snapchat that she was with all their friends, or cancel on me to hang out with them and then post it everywhere that she had had a great day with them rather than me. As I said before, I would never tell her she could not be friends with anyone, but the fact that I was supposed to be her best friend and she would lie and be deceitful about everything wasn't something that I believe a friend should do. What was worse was that, because they were saying things, she started too, also. She spread rumours about me, told people personal information, while we were still friends, which for me was the deal breaker, so we have not been friends since (nearly 3 years now, which actually is a lot longer than it seems).

It is obvious that, even though we were friends for so long, our relationship became something that you could barely count as a friendship, something that became extremely spiteful and fuelled by jealousy and need to fit in (the girls that did not like us that she became friends with were classed as "popular", although no one truly liked them, like most people that believe they are popular). I think it just shows that anyone can turn on you, and that's not me saying that you cannot trust anyone in the long run, there are a lot of people that are loving and thoughtful that will always stay in your life, but even if you're friends with someone, say 13 years, they can still reveal themselves and change in the long run which may not suit your morals or thoughts on friendships.

I have had a lot of people in the past that have disguised themselves as friends, those that say they look out for you but speak behind your back; spread rumours. As I've mentioned before in past posts, attending university I have made a lot of friends that I am extremely close to, however one thing you may not know is that, coming home, I rarely have anyone that messages me or wants to meet up. I have had a group of girls ignore me, isolate me, and stop including me in events that I was always a part of, and for some time I never understood why.
However, I am aware that, in the core of every person that has stopped talking to me, they have all been close with one of my friends, who I now know has told people many things about me that are not true, things that are hurtful to others that I would never dream of even saying about anyone, let alone people I classed as my friends!

I'm not afraid to say that I am a nice person, that I look out for everyone, as I truly believe that I do! I hate gossip and things that spread, so I usually tend to stay out of things when they happen, whether with friends or anyone that I know. I get that with my characteristics, I can be extremely stubborn, it is my downfall, however when I am stubborn it's never personal towards anyone other than myself, so it's frustrating when you have people use your weaknesses against you to isolate you, especially those that you believe are your friends.

I'm sorry that I have rambled on a bit in this post, however I wanted to be able to show you what i have been through, and highlight that, if you have gone through the same thing, you are not alone! There are many people that you will class as your friends that end up becoming foes, but don't let that stop you in life and take you off the path that you want to be on! At times you may feel extremely lonely, I am going to write another blog post in the next couple of weeks talking to you about my experience of sixth form and how it was my lowest point; I felt extremely lost and lonely. BUT, anything can be overcome, and even when you feel like you are alone, there is always someone else there with you, don't underestimate those that stay and have your back when others don't; time doesn't mean anything, so even if you have not known them long they can end up having your back more than anyone else that you have been friends with in your life.

Hopefully you guys have enjoyed this post, as I said on Twitter I am sorry that I did not post yesterday, I was sorting out job applications, house bills, etc. etc. so it was extremely stressful and I was not able to get involved with my blog. I post on here every other day, however, so make sure you look out for the next post on Friday which will be a YOUTUBE VIDEO YAY! In the mean time, why not check out my past videos on YouTube, or send me a quick tweet @iridescencefash, I love hearing from you guys!
Thank you so much for reading, see you on Friday!